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I'm a happy and simple person who just happens to be lucky and in love. Must have items in life: ♥ my family, pup, friends and the one that makes my heart all a-flutter♥. Don't be fooled though, I have bad days too, but that's ok because Light needs Darkness. Watch the TEDtalk about that.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard

So here I am, starting my final semester and UC Merced and while I am so excited and happy to finally close this chapter, I am feeling sentimental and stand in awe of how lucky I have been in life. I have grown and changed for the better, while picking up some bad habits along the way. I have had the most beautiful people walk into my life, and I have had some of them walk out, and I am still standing and feeling blessed. After so much heartache, stress, breakdowns, and doubt I find myself finding that I have reached the other side of the table...and it was a nice meal. Also, it's true, dessert should be saved for the end...and maybe had at the beginning too!

I have so much left to learn and experience in my last semester, and I am excited and open. But as I said before I am feeling sentimental...and have reflected on a few things I have learned in my time here in Merced. I will miss this place, but not because of Merced, but because of the people and memories I have here...and isn't that always why we have a hard time saying goodbye? Not because of the physical, but because of the unspeakable love and bond that holds you to others?  I believe so.

What I Learned About Roommates:

Don't live with someone whose life style is too different from yours...especially if you are low-key (or obviously) OCD. I lived with people whom I loved to their core, but just couldn't get along with while under the same roof because our day-to-day lifestyles were so different. What I learned from that is this: Just because you can't live with someone doesn't mean you don't love them. Even though I have had my run in's with some roommates due to differences in how we approach life or certain situations, when removed from those circumstance, I saw all their positive attributes, which outweigh their not so lovely one's, and realized that sometimes love is conditional, and that is ok! If you don't plan on marrying the person, then it is ok (in my book.)

I also learned that when you have a great roommate, enjoy every moment with them. The living situation is over all too fast, and you don't get that time back! Missing someone is a terrible thing if you wish you could have spent your time with them differently. Make the most of a good/healthy roommate situation, they are, like love, so rare to come by.

The last, and most important thing, I learned about the roommate situation is expect pleasant surprises. Sometimes you are strangers, and by the time it is over, you are anything but. You may not be the new Lavern and Shirley...but you will have a bond that will last a long time. I know from experience that everyone touches you...especially those who you don't expect to.


What I Learned About School:

It's not that important. (haha) You shouldn't be going to school just because you think it is the natural path in life. You should be in college to find your passion, or help it grow. You should be here because you want to leave the place a better place than when you found it. But, you should also be here because you truly want to learn, and you want to give back that knowledge some day.

A grade on a test, or in a class, doesn't reflect on your moral compass...it doesn't indicate if you are a bad person if you fail. It also doesn't indicate that you are a good person if you are successful. This was the most enlightening, life changing thing I realized about school. For so long we are taught that an F means we suck and an A means we are awesome. It isn't true! If you work hard, you get the A. Sometimes it sucks to work hard for something you aren't interested in, but how rewarding it feels to get an A and work hard for something you are passionate about. It makes the A's that much more sweet and the C's less painful. Follow you passion.

The most important thing you should take away from school is how to think, not what to think. Sometimes Professors aren't so proactive in pushing you to think on your own, and it isn't their job to question your beliefs. Don't be afraid to disagree, or question anything. Always be curious, always wonder. Always present a challenge when you feel it is needed, and always accept it when it is presented. I wish someone would have told me this earlier on.

What I Have Learned About Love:

Always choose Paris. (Hills fans, you know what's up!) Always follow your dreams when you are young and set ridiculously high goals, and take leaps of faith. Don't give up your free spirit. I now know that a free spirit can never be caged, don't let someone cage you! It is easy to find someone who will make you want to say, "You're worth it." Lie. The person who is worth it, will never let you limit yourself. When you find love, you should dive in head first and hold nothing back though! Your significant other should accept you for you. The good, the bad, the ugly...and the beautiful. And I can speak from experience, when you find love, it will be so liberating. You will never feel tied down or caged, instead you will find yourself flying higher than you ever thought you could. "When it is right, and when it is true, we is so much better than I."

But don't be fooled, some heartbreaks are necessary. It is so true when they say that you need some bad times to appreciate the good ones, the same advice can be applied to love and relationships. You need pretty things to fall apart so beautiful things can come together.

Every intimate relationship you come across has something to offer, has something to teach you, and you will look back and realize you could never be the person you are now and in the relationship with the love of your life without having had those people leave their mark. Sometimes the scars they leave are ugly and big and take years to recover from. Sometimes the scars they leave are small reminders to stay true to yourself. But all the scars they leave...they heal. And when you fall in love with the right person, those scars will look like beauty marks. You too though, will leave your fair share of scars soon-to-be beauty marks. So be kind, and be honest.

Last, but not least, being in love is a one time deal. My personal philosophy is that, love isn't something you fall out of. If you think you have been in love, and are no longer in it, then it wasn't love you were in. There is a fine line between loving someone deeply, and being in love with someone deeply.

What I Have Learned About Myself:

When I first came to college, I had big dreams and wanted to do big things. I think most of us do, and rightfully so. We are told that when we have a degree, so many more doors will be open and life will be so much more pleasant and money will come easier. I wanted that. I wanted to make a lot of money, to buy the things I've always wanted. I wanted to be respected in my career field, I wanted to be the best and would have probably screwed over anyone to be the best. I wanted homes in Europe, India, Brazil, and California. I wanted a closet full of shoes, just because I could. I didn't want to get married and I never wanted children. So much has changed since my days of invulnerability!

I am a simple person, who has a simple goal in life, to be happy. I don't need to make millions, and I don't need the world to know my name. If, 100 years from now, no one remembers my name, my soul will rest in peace if I die knowing I spent most of my time on earth with the love of my life, had beautiful children who went and made the world a better place, and that they learned how to do that by witnessing me and my husband being passionate about the way we wanted to changed the world. That is how I have come to define a good, happy life. I still want to be the best at what I do, and I still want to make a decent amount of money...but there are more important things than money. And I am not even talking about love and a family. I'm talking about passion! I'm talking about doing what you love to do for the rest of you life, just so you can help the world be better.

I just want to see beautiful places with the people I love. I just want to do beautiful things for the people I love. And I just want to humble the world, and be humbled by it.

What I Have Learned About Life:

1.) It goes on.

Bad days. Good days. Manic depression. Manic happiness. Hunger. Full. In love. In Lust. Rich. Poor. Upset. Content. Fail. Succeed.

The world doesn't stop for you, or for anyone.

2.) Your call for help is always heard.

Whether you are in a place that is holy, in bed, on the dance floor, on the can, or in the arms of the one you love, help is a prayer that is always answered. Whether it comes in the form you expected, or asked for it, in is not always the case, but grace always finds you; if you let it.

3.) There is more to life than just surviving it. 

Life is precious, and it is short, and it is cruel to know both those things and still live in emptiness. Find the thing that brings your to your feet to dance and find the person who you want to spend the rest of your life dancing with. There is more to life than making money, getting married, and having babies. We are so blessed to live on a beautiful planet, with nature, animals, and other cultures (past and present!) that we can experience and learn from. It would be a shame to watch it go by from your front porch.

1 comment:

  1. Without the support and love from family and friends, I don't think I would have survived college

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