My bed

Why do I love it so much? Probably because I haven't seen it enough in the past few days! Silly night classes. Either way, it was nifty to see a blog about one of my role models, Lauren Conrad, do the same thing! Ah, great minds do in fact think alike!

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard

So here I am, starting my final semester and UC Merced and while I am so excited and happy to finally close this chapter, I am feeling sentimental and stand in awe of how lucky I have been in life. I have grown and changed for the better, while picking up some bad habits along the way. I have had the most beautiful people walk into my life, and I have had some of them walk out, and I am still standing and feeling blessed. After so much heartache, stress, breakdowns, and doubt I find myself finding that I have reached the other side of the table...and it was a nice meal. Also, it's true, dessert should be saved for the end...and maybe had at the beginning too!

I have so much left to learn and experience in my last semester, and I am excited and open. But as I said before I am feeling sentimental...and have reflected on a few things I have learned in my time here in Merced. I will miss this place, but not because of Merced, but because of the people and memories I have here...and isn't that always why we have a hard time saying goodbye? Not because of the physical, but because of the unspeakable love and bond that holds you to others?  I believe so.

What I Learned About Roommates:

Don't live with someone whose life style is too different from yours...especially if you are low-key (or obviously) OCD. I lived with people whom I loved to their core, but just couldn't get along with while under the same roof because our day-to-day lifestyles were so different. What I learned from that is this: Just because you can't live with someone doesn't mean you don't love them. Even though I have had my run in's with some roommates due to differences in how we approach life or certain situations, when removed from those circumstance, I saw all their positive attributes, which outweigh their not so lovely one's, and realized that sometimes love is conditional, and that is ok! If you don't plan on marrying the person, then it is ok (in my book.)

I also learned that when you have a great roommate, enjoy every moment with them. The living situation is over all too fast, and you don't get that time back! Missing someone is a terrible thing if you wish you could have spent your time with them differently. Make the most of a good/healthy roommate situation, they are, like love, so rare to come by.

The last, and most important thing, I learned about the roommate situation is expect pleasant surprises. Sometimes you are strangers, and by the time it is over, you are anything but. You may not be the new Lavern and Shirley...but you will have a bond that will last a long time. I know from experience that everyone touches you...especially those who you don't expect to.


What I Learned About School:

It's not that important. (haha) You shouldn't be going to school just because you think it is the natural path in life. You should be in college to find your passion, or help it grow. You should be here because you want to leave the place a better place than when you found it. But, you should also be here because you truly want to learn, and you want to give back that knowledge some day.

A grade on a test, or in a class, doesn't reflect on your moral compass...it doesn't indicate if you are a bad person if you fail. It also doesn't indicate that you are a good person if you are successful. This was the most enlightening, life changing thing I realized about school. For so long we are taught that an F means we suck and an A means we are awesome. It isn't true! If you work hard, you get the A. Sometimes it sucks to work hard for something you aren't interested in, but how rewarding it feels to get an A and work hard for something you are passionate about. It makes the A's that much more sweet and the C's less painful. Follow you passion.

The most important thing you should take away from school is how to think, not what to think. Sometimes Professors aren't so proactive in pushing you to think on your own, and it isn't their job to question your beliefs. Don't be afraid to disagree, or question anything. Always be curious, always wonder. Always present a challenge when you feel it is needed, and always accept it when it is presented. I wish someone would have told me this earlier on.

What I Have Learned About Love:

Always choose Paris. (Hills fans, you know what's up!) Always follow your dreams when you are young and set ridiculously high goals, and take leaps of faith. Don't give up your free spirit. I now know that a free spirit can never be caged, don't let someone cage you! It is easy to find someone who will make you want to say, "You're worth it." Lie. The person who is worth it, will never let you limit yourself. When you find love, you should dive in head first and hold nothing back though! Your significant other should accept you for you. The good, the bad, the ugly...and the beautiful. And I can speak from experience, when you find love, it will be so liberating. You will never feel tied down or caged, instead you will find yourself flying higher than you ever thought you could. "When it is right, and when it is true, we is so much better than I."

But don't be fooled, some heartbreaks are necessary. It is so true when they say that you need some bad times to appreciate the good ones, the same advice can be applied to love and relationships. You need pretty things to fall apart so beautiful things can come together.

Every intimate relationship you come across has something to offer, has something to teach you, and you will look back and realize you could never be the person you are now and in the relationship with the love of your life without having had those people leave their mark. Sometimes the scars they leave are ugly and big and take years to recover from. Sometimes the scars they leave are small reminders to stay true to yourself. But all the scars they leave...they heal. And when you fall in love with the right person, those scars will look like beauty marks. You too though, will leave your fair share of scars soon-to-be beauty marks. So be kind, and be honest.

Last, but not least, being in love is a one time deal. My personal philosophy is that, love isn't something you fall out of. If you think you have been in love, and are no longer in it, then it wasn't love you were in. There is a fine line between loving someone deeply, and being in love with someone deeply.

What I Have Learned About Myself:

When I first came to college, I had big dreams and wanted to do big things. I think most of us do, and rightfully so. We are told that when we have a degree, so many more doors will be open and life will be so much more pleasant and money will come easier. I wanted that. I wanted to make a lot of money, to buy the things I've always wanted. I wanted to be respected in my career field, I wanted to be the best and would have probably screwed over anyone to be the best. I wanted homes in Europe, India, Brazil, and California. I wanted a closet full of shoes, just because I could. I didn't want to get married and I never wanted children. So much has changed since my days of invulnerability!

I am a simple person, who has a simple goal in life, to be happy. I don't need to make millions, and I don't need the world to know my name. If, 100 years from now, no one remembers my name, my soul will rest in peace if I die knowing I spent most of my time on earth with the love of my life, had beautiful children who went and made the world a better place, and that they learned how to do that by witnessing me and my husband being passionate about the way we wanted to changed the world. That is how I have come to define a good, happy life. I still want to be the best at what I do, and I still want to make a decent amount of money...but there are more important things than money. And I am not even talking about love and a family. I'm talking about passion! I'm talking about doing what you love to do for the rest of you life, just so you can help the world be better.

I just want to see beautiful places with the people I love. I just want to do beautiful things for the people I love. And I just want to humble the world, and be humbled by it.

What I Have Learned About Life:

1.) It goes on.

Bad days. Good days. Manic depression. Manic happiness. Hunger. Full. In love. In Lust. Rich. Poor. Upset. Content. Fail. Succeed.

The world doesn't stop for you, or for anyone.

2.) Your call for help is always heard.

Whether you are in a place that is holy, in bed, on the dance floor, on the can, or in the arms of the one you love, help is a prayer that is always answered. Whether it comes in the form you expected, or asked for it, in is not always the case, but grace always finds you; if you let it.

3.) There is more to life than just surviving it. 

Life is precious, and it is short, and it is cruel to know both those things and still live in emptiness. Find the thing that brings your to your feet to dance and find the person who you want to spend the rest of your life dancing with. There is more to life than making money, getting married, and having babies. We are so blessed to live on a beautiful planet, with nature, animals, and other cultures (past and present!) that we can experience and learn from. It would be a shame to watch it go by from your front porch.

12102010

To the love of my life, (yes...you! You know who you are!)


Officially we have hit the 13th month mark, marking my second longest relationship! I feel like this should be some kind of milestone for having stuck with you for so long...but it doesn't feel like that. I feel like I could spend the rest of the years that Earth has left soaking in sunshine and traveling in orbit in space with you and still find myself running out of time near the end. I am so in love with who you are, who I am when I am with you, and that pair we make together. I can only hope that I get to spend the rest of this life, and the rest that follow, with you.


I like to brag about you in all your awesomeness. Mainly because I literally stand in awe of you, but also because saying it out loud makes it a different animal. It makes it 5032498 times more beautiful. I hope you love yourself as much as I love you, because there is a lot to love. 


Let's start with your clean shaven face. I know I said I hated it when I first saw it...or at least admitted to not being a fan, but rest assured that every time I looked at you I took in every detail. This is probably the last time I will ever see you with a clean face, and I want to be able to see and love all those parts that will forever remain in the shadows (of 5 o'clock...haha...get it?). 


Your back. It's sexy. That is all. 


Your hands. Have you ever thought about how much you do with your hands? You build amazing things like robots and toys, you drum, you bike, you build your bike, you cook (sometimes eat!), you give massages, you touch my face, you tickle me, your hand holds mine, you drive, and on occasion, you use them to write me beautiful love letters that bring me to tears. (And you think you aren't a good writer!) I love your hands. Do you? 


Your brain. I love, love, love your brain and the way it works. The way you inspire just by talking about the things you know about...if only you could listen to you the way I do. (Yep, you read that correctly...I listen. To you.) Sometimes I think I just want you to talk me to sleep, but not because it is boring, but because I am so in love with the way you make the things you are passionate about sound. You could make anyone want to be an engineer, and you could persuade the least likely of persons to mountain bike. And even more amazing, you could probably convince anyone that I am a lovely person to be in love with...even though I don't agree with half the things you say, I love it when you talk about me. Vain? Very much so. Humbling? Always. How did I get so lucky to be one of the things you are so passionate about? You should hear yourself talk about the things you love and value...I'm telling you, you would make one attractive T.A. and not just for those thighs...


Your heart. Literally one of the most beautiful things this good earth has been blessed with. As I mentioned before, the way you talk about the things you love is amazing...seeing it in action is better. I love to watch you do work, I love to hear you talk about things I don't understand, and I love it when you show me! I love the way you love your family. There is little you wouldn't do for them, and I am the same way about mine. It is refreshing to know that on a very fundamental level...we are the same. I love the way you take care of. I love they way you WANT me to be happy. I pretty much just love the way you love, and any more detail than that I can't really explain. I can't explain your heart to other people! And as I always say, if I can't put it into words, it must be sacred. And you are. To me. 


Basically, I hope you know how wonderful you are and how much I appreciate ever second



I get to spend with you in all your fabulousness. I love you...and that doesn't even cut it, it



is so much deeper than those three words.

#105 documentation

PICTURE TIME! 




At the beginning of the day, after getting our rental gear and suiting up! Didn't know what I was in for, but it was definitely fun. So happy I did this!

Learning my heel slide from Cullen, the fabulous green-eyed instructor!

Owning the bunny slope...kind of :)












VIDEO TIME!
hope everyone enjoys watching me fall and learn as much as I did doing it! 


Getting my heel slide started




Finding the sweet spot and almost doing it on my own. Direct quote from Cullen, "You've got it! That was all you at the end!"








My Dad being the best parent ever! Interview before our first trip down the bunny slope!





Last but not least, semi conquering the bunny slope. Didn't know how to stop so we just fell :)

#105

Yesterday I got to cross off a totally awesome item off my bucket list (they are all pretty awesome...but it is my first cross off, so it's extra cool) #105. Snowboard/Skii

First and foremost, it was a great feeling and not just because I got to cross it off my bucket list, but because I got to do something I really wanted to try! It has been a LONG time since I've done anything that was physically super demanding (probably not a good thing). It felt so good to be challenged both physically and mentally! I know what it is like to be challenged mentally, I dig it...but there is this whole other element when the challenge involves your body.

At first I was super stoked! It felt good to be on some snow and it was a lot easier too since I was in a class with my sister and everyone else who were beginners. But then once we got on the boards, I started to get a little nervous. What if I just totally sucked and there was no hope for me? I wanted to turn around and not do it anymore! Falling in front of everyone didn't seem fun and even though I know you are supposed to fall...I don't think it's something people WANT to do. Suddenly my instructor was having everyone, one by one, go down a hill...just go! Then I got REALLY nervous...one by one?! UHG. As my turn approached I took an idea from one of my favorite shows, Lost. Count to five. Let fear take over your body and soul for five seconds...then after that...do what needs to be done. I did that, and I went on, and it was fabulous! I fell...I fell a lot...but that's what learning is about. Falling, but always getting back up. And for the rest of the day, that was my attitude. I had a blast and learned so much and would recommend the activity to everyone under the sun!

Even though I didn't necessarily overcome a "fear", I did do something that was different for me and my life has been beautified because of it. Go me, and Go living life!

Also, a quick side note, my instructor Cullen, was not only a total babe with these beautiful green eyes he MADE me stare into (haha) but he was so encouraging and a great teacher! I know there were things I definitely was not doing correctly, but he always pointed out what I needed to improve while reassuring me that I was doing other things "perfect". HAHA, he was SO sweet and I'm really happy I got a fab instructor who took time with each and every one of us individually!

A thank you to my Mom and Dad for taking me and my sister. It was our "hidden" Xmas gift and the best one ever! They were so awesome the whole day too, the came out to watch us learn our heel and toe slides (videos to come soon!) and the watched us semi-conquer the bunny hill! I'm really lucky to have parents that still need to take pictures every 5 minutes because the look on mine and my sisters face was so priceless! It probably seems silly to everyone else, but I felt awesome!

Thank you to my baby sister, Deana, for doing it with me! I'm happy that we both got to do it together because even though I'm sure I could have done it on my own...everything is 100x better with my baby sister. We shared a lot of laughs, falls, and moments of success!

And last but not least, Thank you John for reminding me that there is more to life than just surviving it.

Until the next cross off!

xoxo
M.

Tattoo Idea #1

I really want a tattoo for some reason of which I can't explain! It's on my bucket list! But I'm the kind of person who would want to get something that meant something to me. I don't think meaning is that important for some people, but it is for me. Unfortunately, if you know me you know I'm really indecisive which is probably why I can never find the excuse to try to save money for a tattoo...but alas, I think I have had a mini light bulb moment!

Seasons of Love, the song of Rent, is one that I always listen to when I feel lost or alone...and when I feel extremely happy! I never skip it on a CD, or on my shuffled playlist. So I would get "Seasons of Love" with the seasons somehow incorporated in there!

This post, btw, was mainly to remind myself of this. haha.

Bucket List

Instead of New Year's Resolutions, I'm focusing on my Bucket List this year, thanks to my amazing cousin John who is always a great inspiration to LIVE life! Thank you!

1. Graduate College
2. Go Cliff Jumping
3. Actually give up chocolate for lent
4. Kiss under a mistletoe
5. Build a home for a family that isn't my own
6. Make a Quilt
7. Watch the Lord of the Rings Movies back to back (extended versions!)
8. Write a Play
9. Have a career that has me coming home knowing something new all the time
10. Have a Baby (because I'm blessed now!)
11. Go shopping without looking at any price tags
12. Get my motorcycle license
13. Own a motorcycle
14. Spend a whole day with someone who doesn't speak the same language that I do
15. Visit the Sistine Chapel
16. Have a marriage more beautiful than my wedding
17. See a Broadway Play in New York
18. Build a homemade Fort with the person I love
19. Get a tattoo
20. Feed a giraffe
21. Ride an Elephant
22. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
23. Swim with Dolphins
24. Go Mountain Biking!
25. Watch the Sunset and Sunrise on a beach
26. Join a book club
27. Hang stockings on my fireplace for me, my spouse, and my children
28. Live in an apartment with my significant other
29. Learn braille
30. Road Trip up or down the coast of California
31. Sleep under the stars in a sleeping bag
32. Donate my hair
33. Feed those less fortunate on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day
34. Have a huge kitchen with two ovens!
35. Smoke.....a Ham! gotchya!
36. Have Hurley be the ring bearer at my wedding
37. Love the skin I'm in
38. Sharing a spaghetti noodle with the one I love and meeting in the middle for a kiss
39. Take a Belly Dancing class
40. Write a message on a mirror for the one I love in lipstick
41. Take my Mom and Dad out to a nice dinner
42. Go to Vegas with my sister
43. Keep a plant alive for more than 2 months (baby steps)
44. Get my Dad to boogie at my wedding!
45. Attend a Same-Sex Wedding
46. Go to Disneyland with ALL my Alim cousins so I can relive one of my favorite parts of childhood
47. Go to the Monterey Bay Aquarium with my Gallardo Cousins to relive another one of my favorite parts of childhood
48. Learn how to surf
49. Visit the Candelbera Redwoods
50. Catch a fish
51. Have a map wall
52. Plant a tree
53. Have a veggie garden
54. Summit a Mountain
55. Volunteer in my child's class
56. Set foot on each continent
57. See Chachi Gonzales dance live
58. Skinny dip in the waters of Greece
59. Meet Ryan Gosling
60. Return a lost pet
61. Visit the Taj Mahal
62. Go into space
63. Milk a cow
64. Wake up to a breakfast in bed made by my children
65. Hold a snake
66. Pick out a Christmas tree with the one I love
67. Go to the Festival of Lights in Thailand!
68. Have my Dad walk me down the aisle
69. Lay down in a field of daisies
70. Ride a subway
71. Have the water of the Nile River run through my fingers
72. Explore the Great Barrier Reef underwater
73. Eat a cheese steak in Philly
74. Visit the Mother Land
75. Go to school and live in Berkeley
76. Have a beautiful home with a beautiful family in the Santa Cruz mountains
77. New Zeland it up
78. Dance like Shakira
79. Shower under a waterfall
80. Row a boat
81. Build an igloo
82. Visit Tibet
83. Play dress up and have tea parties with my daughter(s)
84. Witness and/or play all of the following: Chess Boxing, Octopush, Beach Flags, Road Bowling
85. Be proposed to with a ring pop
86. Go Skydiving
87. Go Scuba Diving
88. Find a beautiful place and get lost
89. See the Vatican
90. See the Northern Lights
91. Work for Disney
92. Open a bakery
93. Go to a TEDtalk convention
94. Speak at a TEDtalk convention
95. Go to an airport and have no destination in mind
96. Build a tree house with my husband and kids
97. Have my husband make our family dining room table
98. Eat pizza and pasta in Italy
99. Make funny faces and do funny things in front of a Buckingham Palace Guard
100. Attend a Masquerade
101. Sew a dress for myself
102. Meet J.K. Rowling
103. Watch the Ball drop in Times Square
104. Have a job that requires me to wear scrubs
105. Snowboard/Ski
106. Visit the Pixar Studio
107. See a Meteor Shower
108. Stand on the line of the equator
109. Spin a record
110. Visit Lucille Ball's grave
111. Have a library in my home
112. Put together a charity function
113. Donate to a Charity
114. Walk for Cancer
115. Protest!
116. See Mary Jane legalized in the big CA
117. Take a vow of silence for a day
118. Get CPR certified!
119. Kiss in the rain, soaking wet
120. Get into a taxi and yell "Follow that car!"
121. Meet Kyle Richards
122. Tomb Raid
123. Get a matching tattoo with my sister
124. Have the sand of an Australian beach beneath my feet
125. Learn The Krebs Cycle by heart
126. Have a happy life. See beautiful places, do crazy things, eat yummy food, have fun, be in a blissful marriage and fall in love with the children I have yet to meet...even if I never finish this list. :)

Travels

I love that I am now so accustomed to traveling via airplane that going through security has become a breeze for me! I never thought I would be a college kid who had to hop on a plane to go home, but now that I am, it's pretty cool. I've noticed that I have developed rituals while flying, I say a prayer right before we take off, and right before we land, and I always have a card or note that my boyfriend wrote me on me at all times! (And before I had those, letters from Zi) It's strange how such a tiny thing can make me feel much more at ease while flying.

Today I was thinking about how this does low key suck though. Sometimes I feel like I am never whole, that I am always missing something. Especially post-holiday season with my parents and sister being back in California,  it was nice to be so comfortable with everyone and everything that I love all in one place! So it's hard to fly back and forth sometimes. It gets old really fast living out of a suitcase, but being a responsible adult gets old really fast too! When I am in Colorado, I am missing my adult life, my cousins, aunts, uncles, and of course my totally awesome boyfriend! But when I am in California I am missing those who know me best, my mom, dad, and sister. So, you can see where this feeling incomplete conflict might come from!

BUT...then I had a revelation.

I am very lucky!

I think airports are the ugliest, and most beautiful places. While seeing garbage on the side of the road or gang graffiti on beautiful buildings can be ugly, nothing is worse than witnessing people who love each other have to say goodbye. I usually don't cry when I leave, but I am always assured I will be returning to where I am leaving at some point. It's easy to forget that some people only see their families once a year...and so those goodbyes must be very hard. And while a sunset can be a lovely thing, nothing makes me smile like when you see two people so in love that when their eyes finally meet, they can't help but run towards each other, since every second since they've been apart has been so dreadful. Or when someone from the military arrives to people who love them, and they can finally feel at home.

For a long time, I have spent my airport trips often dwelling on how it feels to say goodbye. But that can stop now. I think now I can think of it as something really wonderful is waiting for me on the other side. While I am often separating from people I love, I am fortunate enough to almost always be going to more people that love me! Something good is always waiting on the other side...not just a taxi or a car, but there is always SOMEONE waiting for me to come back. Not everyone is so blessed!