A piece of writing by Bynie Poo Poo M-Sizzle Hap and Madsi Pad Jalim Euphrates Halpin.
We had just finished an amazing day at the Sea Otter
Classic, beach frolicking and sad attempts at kite flying. There were plenty of
food reserves for our day adventure, including pb&j loaf ends. But feeling
festive and craving more of the refreshing atmosphere, we decided to grab a
bite to eat for dinner just down the way. As we left, Brandon, the navigator
forgot to be the navigator and we were in the turn lane instead of going
straight. As I looked for an escape route, a new car came from behind to box us
in. Distracted and frustrated I began to turn, unaware of the driver adjacent
to me. He honked, but kept rolling forward. Mayhem had finally caught up to me.
I should have listened to those commercials. Luckily for my quick thinking and
puma-like reflexes, we recovered and continued.
Now parked and walking toward our delicious meal we
came across a public restroom. Everyone saw a need for the bathroom, but none
more than Tess. Tess had expressed in the car ride that washing her hands would
be fantastic, glorious, and liberating. She had not washed her hands all day!
Of course, the bathroom was out of soap. Sorry Tess.
But the public restroom held us longer than
anticipated due to a little girl. As Madison was waiting for a stall to open, a
youngster ran in. Out of breath, messy hair, and tan from the sun she had
soaked up on the beach, the little girl had a look of panic on her face when
she realized not only were both stalls occupied but there was even someone IN
LINE! Tears began to fall as she asked Madison, “Can I please go?” as a woman
came out of one stall. Madison nodded yes, and mutual respect was earned.
Eventually Madison also goes to the bathroom and everyone was bladder happy.
As we approached the Fisherman’s Wharf we heard
music. At first it sounds promising, but we should have known as soon as we
brushed past the teenage hand drum and electric guitar-with no amp- combo
jamming like they just finished scanning Best in Class. After shaking off the
first strange sight, the Blues Band's finer points came to light. The drummer
had rhythm like Steve Martin in the beginning of the Jerk. The guitarists were
horrible and not present during the jam session. As we passed Brandon pointed
stated that, “You know it's a good band when you can see the Drummer mouthing
1-2-3-4”. Wise words from an insightful man.
As we enter the Wharf we start getting haggled by
the local street girls. In all reality though, they were pretty girls in front
of two adjacent restaurants trying to convince the people of the wharf which
was the better choice for their dining experience. Little did we know that we
had entered the grudge match of the century. Both offered the same samples of
clam chowder, displayed platters and comped appetizers. The one that won our
fellowship over was the one that gave us two comped appetizers because they
accepted the competitors comped appetizer coupon. Ridiculously awesome!
As we entered we were greeted by a guy who shared
they're happy hour special. It was “happy always”. Happy hour drink specials
always. Great stuff. As we sit we are handed huge drunk proof laminated menus.
While settling in, we could hear the touch of class. It was as if the kitchen
staff music had become the new standard. We order our food and receive our two
free appetizers and by now we are having a wonderful time.
A Mexican child and her mother, who is holding their
small dog tightly to her breasts, walk towards the restroom.
We are laughing talking,
precaping-recaping-postcaping. It was truly a great group of people with such
joy to be shared. I forgot to mention that the bathrooms were all out of soap
as well. Sorry Tess.
The hilarity began with a single incident. We had
just finished discussing how we all embodied the definition of powerful laughter
and how there was no way to ebb the flow. Right then, I see, out of the corner
of my eye, a portly fellow, whose shape was circle. He stumbled.... At first it
seemed that he'd staved off shame and embarrassment, but then disaster. He
tumbles. He Rolls and completes his rotation before coming to a rest. Becoming
his spirit animal of the turtle, he rocked back and forth, fighting gravity
with all his will. Finally he recovered and vanishes. The first casualty of
this catastrophe was Tess. She turned her head, her body exhibiting the brand
of silent laughter that shakes the entire frame. Madison and Lisa quickly
follow Tess' gaze to the ocean scape; a refuge for our previously unheard of
muffled laughter.
I turn my head, overcome with the guiltiest form of
chuckling, just in time to hear Brandon say, “Why is he tucking and rollin' ?”.
It was all over. We all looked to the window with an attempt to keep the
laughing as subdued as possible as Brandon quipped, “That's a nice boat…” The
attempted small talk wasn't fooling anyone.
The rest of the meal was spent with what can only be
described as the giggles. We had finished our meal and began thinking about the
check and a box for food. The man I had dubbed as Juan had come and Brandon
asked him for a box. His response, after much hesitation, was “ehhhh” with a
sideways point to the finger. Think of it as a mix of an Italian mob shoulder
shrug meshed with a slightly off Fonz impression. He then said “I don't think
we have that..... I'll bring you a cup.”
We erupt in laughter. Especially Rapples (aka Lisa),
who by no fault but all her own has fried her skin to perfection and her brain
beyond repair. OOOOOOOooooohhhhh..... RAPPLZ.
We finally decide to flee, but not before we brave
the soap-less bathroom one more time.
First Brandon and I decide to use the restroom, then
the ladies follow suite. Good thing too, you know how ladies can get with
bathrooms. Tess, Madison, and Lisa all head toward the bathrooms, which
required turning a corner. As the approach the turn another youngster enters
the scenario, but this time a small boy. Knowing that I am always up to silly
games, Madison assumed it was me and began to say, “Bryan, you are such a
creep, why would you---.” She is cut off when she realized it wasn’t I waiting
just around the bathroom bend.
After our last bathroom adventure, we regroup
outside the restaurant and walk along the ocean leisurely back to the parked
car…except for Brandon. He had to get the car, since our parking ticket had
expired five minutes prior.
We are free.
