A piece of writing by Bynie Poo Poo M-Sizzle Hap and Madsi Pad Jalim Euphrates Halpin.
We had just finished an amazing day at the Sea Otter Classic, beach frolicking and sad attempts at kite flying. There were plenty of food reserves for our day adventure, including pb&j loaf ends. But feeling festive and craving more of the refreshing atmosphere, we decided to grab a bite to eat for dinner just down the way. As we left, Brandon, the navigator forgot to be the navigator and we were in the turn lane instead of going straight. As I looked for an escape route, a new car came from behind to box us in. Distracted and frustrated I began to turn, unaware of the driver adjacent to me. He honked, but kept rolling forward. Mayhem had finally caught up to me. I should have listened to those commercials. Luckily for my quick thinking and puma-like reflexes, we recovered and continued.
Now parked and walking toward our delicious meal we came across a public restroom. Everyone saw a need for the bathroom, but none more than Tess. Tess had expressed in the car ride that washing her hands would be fantastic, glorious, and liberating. She had not washed her hands all day! Of course, the bathroom was out of soap. Sorry Tess.
But the public restroom held us longer than anticipated due to a little girl. As Madison was waiting for a stall to open, a youngster ran in. Out of breath, messy hair, and tan from the sun she had soaked up on the beach, the little girl had a look of panic on her face when she realized not only were both stalls occupied but there was even someone IN LINE! Tears began to fall as she asked Madison, “Can I please go?” as a woman came out of one stall. Madison nodded yes, and mutual respect was earned. Eventually Madison also goes to the bathroom and everyone was bladder happy.
As we approached the Fisherman’s Wharf we heard music. At first it sounds promising, but we should have known as soon as we brushed past the teenage hand drum and electric guitar-with no amp- combo jamming like they just finished scanning Best in Class. After shaking off the first strange sight, the Blues Band's finer points came to light. The drummer had rhythm like Steve Martin in the beginning of the Jerk. The guitarists were horrible and not present during the jam session. As we passed Brandon pointed stated that, “You know it's a good band when you can see the Drummer mouthing 1-2-3-4”. Wise words from an insightful man.
As we enter the Wharf we start getting haggled by the local street girls. In all reality though, they were pretty girls in front of two adjacent restaurants trying to convince the people of the wharf which was the better choice for their dining experience. Little did we know that we had entered the grudge match of the century. Both offered the same samples of clam chowder, displayed platters and comped appetizers. The one that won our fellowship over was the one that gave us two comped appetizers because they accepted the competitors comped appetizer coupon. Ridiculously awesome!
As we entered we were greeted by a guy who shared they're happy hour special. It was “happy always”. Happy hour drink specials always. Great stuff. As we sit we are handed huge drunk proof laminated menus. While settling in, we could hear the touch of class. It was as if the kitchen staff music had become the new standard. We order our food and receive our two free appetizers and by now we are having a wonderful time.
A Mexican child and her mother, who is holding their small dog tightly to her breasts, walk towards the restroom.
We are laughing talking, precaping-recaping-postcaping. It was truly a great group of people with such joy to be shared. I forgot to mention that the bathrooms were all out of soap as well. Sorry Tess.
The hilarity began with a single incident. We had just finished discussing how we all embodied the definition of powerful laughter and how there was no way to ebb the flow. Right then, I see, out of the corner of my eye, a portly fellow, whose shape was circle. He stumbled.... At first it seemed that he'd staved off shame and embarrassment, but then disaster. He tumbles. He Rolls and completes his rotation before coming to a rest. Becoming his spirit animal of the turtle, he rocked back and forth, fighting gravity with all his will. Finally he recovered and vanishes. The first casualty of this catastrophe was Tess. She turned her head, her body exhibiting the brand of silent laughter that shakes the entire frame. Madison and Lisa quickly follow Tess' gaze to the ocean scape; a refuge for our previously unheard of muffled laughter.
I turn my head, overcome with the guiltiest form of chuckling, just in time to hear Brandon say, “Why is he tucking and rollin' ?”. It was all over. We all looked to the window with an attempt to keep the laughing as subdued as possible as Brandon quipped, “That's a nice boat…” The attempted small talk wasn't fooling anyone.
The rest of the meal was spent with what can only be described as the giggles. We had finished our meal and began thinking about the check and a box for food. The man I had dubbed as Juan had come and Brandon asked him for a box. His response, after much hesitation, was “ehhhh” with a sideways point to the finger. Think of it as a mix of an Italian mob shoulder shrug meshed with a slightly off Fonz impression. He then said “I don't think we have that..... I'll bring you a cup.”
We erupt in laughter. Especially Rapples (aka Lisa), who by no fault but all her own has fried her skin to perfection and her brain beyond repair. OOOOOOOooooohhhhh..... RAPPLZ.
We finally decide to flee, but not before we brave the soap-less bathroom one more time.
First Brandon and I decide to use the restroom, then the ladies follow suite. Good thing too, you know how ladies can get with bathrooms. Tess, Madison, and Lisa all head toward the bathrooms, which required turning a corner. As the approach the turn another youngster enters the scenario, but this time a small boy. Knowing that I am always up to silly games, Madison assumed it was me and began to say, “Bryan, you are such a creep, why would you---.” She is cut off when she realized it wasn’t I waiting just around the bathroom bend.
After our last bathroom adventure, we regroup outside the restaurant and walk along the ocean leisurely back to the parked car…except for Brandon. He had to get the car, since our parking ticket had expired five minutes prior.
We are free.