Not Just Passing

So, I just got done taking the hardest exam of my semester thus far. I feel exhausted, hungry, and GREAT!

But, of course, in typical Marissa fashion I has a mini melt down around question 12 of 55. I had two hours to complete the test and was only at the 20 minute mark, so I decided to take a few minutes to remind myself to breathe. As I sat back I had this familiar thought in my head, "I just want to pass." I prayed and prayed and prayed to just pass! I have recently found my academic mojo again, and I am not about to lose it over this exam. I can't go back to being lost.

Then, the light went off.

I'm so done with wanting to "just pass". I am NOT that kind of gal. I don't want to be the person who just skates by. I am a go-getter and I want to be the best version of myself, and I want to be the best at what I do. I don't want to just settle for mediocre, I am not mediocre. I don't want to fall somewhere in the middle and I don't want to be satisfied with just doing enough to get a C in a class. I am A+ material, and it has been far too long since I've had that mindset. When I couldn't do math and physics all of the sudden, I think my ego took a huge hit, and instead of reaching for the stars again, I became comfortable on the ground. My peers made me feel comfortable, and I made myself comfortable. I nestled right into the "average" student, and it was easy to do that when other people around you are content with that. And it was no one's job to remind me that I am brilliant in my own way. It was no one's job to say, "hey, I think you can do better." It is my own duty to always remind myself that I am capable of having anything I want. I am young, I am smart, and I am driven. The bar for myself is officially set higher, and I don't want it any other way. I am up for my own challenge, which is the hardest kind we can come by in life.

So yeah...I'm done with just passing. I'm ready to be the best. Even if I get a grade that is less than an A, if I PERSONALLY feel like I did my best with my resources...then I know I'll get the grade I deserve and it will be a great indicator of where I stand in that field of knowledge. No more blaming professors for being "hard" (they should be that way!) no more blaming sucky grades on "unfair grading" and definitely no more calculating before hand what I need to get on an exam to just pass the class. I LOVE to learn, and that should apply to test taking, paper writing, and presenting as well! I should go over my material, study, and be passionate because I want to become educated...not because someone told me to be educated. Wanting the knowledge is probably the best study tool anyways!

With all that said, I got back to my exam, answered EVERY SINGLE QUESTION to the best of my ability and integrity. I was confident in myself with every answer I submitted...and even when I wasn't, I faked it to myself. I did the research for it the best way I knew how, and if I still got it wrong then I definitely deserved to get it wrong. My grade will definitely reflect where I stand. If it's poor, I need to work harder and if it's great, that means I'm doing things right!

Happy Hump Day!
xoxo
M.

p.s. I think I rocked my exam!