Topsy Turvy Tuesday

Happy Tuesday! It's been a crazy one, but wonderful in it's own weird way.

Anyways, I am already feeling a lot better about the balance in my life. Yesterday I just decided to cut out all the things that make my life stressful. I put all my worries on the worry train and bid them a light-hearted farewell as I watched it leave the station. 

I do have a cold though, and there were moments when a cozy bed shared with my loved ones sounds a lot nicer than trying to teach social skills! But with my new spirit I was totally able to stay focused and love my day...which has been refreshing and insightful! I've missed being so full of light and grace...

But the biggest "YAY!" moment of my Tuesday was when I was working out and I had a moment like this...

It was literally one of the most amazing feelings in the world! 

So motivating and a wonderful way to start anew.

Until next time
xoxo
M.

Starting Anew

Lately I have been feeling....well, a little overwhelmed to say the least. 

Transitioning from a college student, to a part-time worker, to a full time worker, to a full time worker with 2 side jobs within the past year has been crazy! Needless to say, I haven't been finding a lot of time to nurture myself, nurture my relationships, nurture my spirituality, or write. Lots o' no-no's. 

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my jobs! All of them. Working with little kiddos has been such a blessing in disguise...it turns out I am very nurturing and loving! Working with ED kids has taught me so much about myself and about life in ways I can't imagine could be possible through any other venue and I am so deeply grateful for every child. Tutoring has been a blast! It's been a great challenge and the kids I work with are sweethearts and pleasant reminders that not every kid will throw a chair at you when they are upset (not that I have any issues with chairs being thrown at me, dodge ball skills have indeed come in handy!). I love all the kids I work with, day and night, and they all bring something to my soul that just...makes it happy!

But...it is tiring, stressful, and frustrating at times. Lately, I haven't been feeling like I have time for myself, for my family, or for my friends. I'm so consumed with work and bettering my skill set that I've let some other relationships in my life fall by the way side. Sometimes I think, "Well, you gotta do what you gotta do to pay the bills." Other days I think, "I promised myself I would never become this person. Someone who is so engrossed in making money and working that I have no time for those I love."...ok, so that last one is a little bit exaggerated, but the emotion is the same. I feel like I have no time for those who love me most, family and friends, and it doesn't sit well with my soul. I feel guilty for letting my daily life become what it is. Even worse, sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough. Like I am going nowhere.

I'm a happy person. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my fridge, and a bonus point...I have a job I love! Every day I am so thankful for these things. But right now, I'm not living in the moment nor am I loving at my best.

Anyways...you get the picture. I'm overwhelmed with being an adult, and I'm having a tough time finding a balance. But I have decided that this cycle of negative thinking and guilt shall stop!

I've been depressed before, and I went to therapy for many moons to help me cope. I help kids every day try to cope with their emotions, so I'm trying to remember my own coping skills. Unfortunately, taking plane rides to Colorado almost every other week so I could lay in my mother's arms and cry is not an option current day. So I've been doing some research...

Diet and exercise! I've already been consistently working out for a while now, with some flip flops here and there (it's a hard bandwagon to hop on for me!) but when I do exercise I notice such a change in how I interact with others and how I interact with myself. I'm much softer, kinder, and overall happier! It's like the old Marissa just comes out, so I see this being a good thing. And I don't want it to be temporary. I'm not training for anything...it's a lifestyle change. Which brings me to my next point in that, my new eating habits will not be called a diet. A diet sounds like something that won't have to last forever. It's just the way I eat. Luckily for me, I am already inclined in my natural diet to eat fruits and veggies and fish and quinoa.

Since my last mega meltdown in life halfway through college, I have strongly believed that taking care of the self will almost always resolve your other issues. Once MY body, MY spirit, and MY life get back in sync with one another, everything else will fall into place. Balance will happen naturally. 

So, I am going to start seriously taking care of my body and seriously start taking care of my spirit!

Until next time...
xoxo
M.

Documentation #8

So, I reposted my bucket list and realized...I wrote a play in October!

I did this awesome play writing event called the 24 hour plays. Actors, directors, and writers all met at around 9PM on a Friday night. Then from 10PM-6AM writers wrote...and wrote...and wrote. Then, from 7AM-7PM Directors and Actors directed and acted! They put together a whole production and at 7PM the following Saturday, plays were put on stage! For our play in particular not only was it all the child actors for the event it was also directed by a child, who ended up having to step in as an actor when one of the original cast could not perform! They were amazing!

It was an amazing experience I feel blessed to have had! I wrote my play with my best friend and dedicated it to the children I work with!

It's hard to hear, but it's proof, I wrote a play!

Extra special thanks to Prof. Dawn Trook for making one of my dreams a reality!

Bucket List

Bucket List

Instead of New Year's Resolutions, I'm focusing on my Bucket List this year, thanks to my amazing cousin John who is always a great inspiration to LIVE life! Thank you! (I repost this every so often so I don't have to go digging!)

Updated: Feb 2013

1. Graduate College I did it! May 12, 2012!!!

2. Go Cliff Jumping Blogged

3. Actually give up chocolate for lent

4. Kiss under a mistletoe

5. Build a home for a family that isn't my own

6. Make a Quilt

7. Watch the Lord of the Rings Movies back to back (extended versions!)

8. Write a Play Blogged

9. Have a career that has me coming home knowing something new all the time

10. Have a Baby (because I'm blessed now!)

11. Go shopping without looking at any price tags

12. Get my motorcycle license

13. Own a motorcycle

14. Spend a whole day with someone who doesn't speak the same language that I do

15. Visit the Sistine Chapel

16. Have a marriage more beautiful than my wedding

17. See a Broadway Play in New York

18. Build a homemade Fort with the person I love Blogged

19. Get a tattoo

20. Feed a giraffe

21. Ride an Elephant

22. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon

23. Swim with Dolphins

24. Go Mountain Biking! I took my love on his birthday! I had a lot of fun, and it was a beautiful time!

25. Watch the Sunset and Sunrise on a beach

26. Join a book club

27. Hang stockings on my fireplace for me, my spouse, and my children

28. Live in an apartment with my significant other Blogged

29. Learn braille

30. Road Trip up or down the coast of California

31. Sleep under the stars in a sleeping bag

32. Donate my hair

33. Feed those less fortunate on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day

34. Have a huge kitchen with two ovens!

35. Smoke.....a Ham! gotchya!

36. Have Hurley be the ring bearer at my wedding

37. Love the skin I'm in

38. Sharing a spaghetti noodle with the one I love and meeting in the middle for a kiss

39. Take a Belly Dancing class

40. Write a message on a mirror for the one I love in lipstick

41. Take my Mom and Dad out to a nice dinner

42. Go to Vegas with my sister

43. Keep a plant alive for more than 2 months (baby steps)

44. Get my Dad to boogie at my wedding!

45. Attend a Same-Sex Wedding

46. Go to Disneyland with ALL my Alim cousins so I can relive one of my favorite parts of childhood

47. Go to the Monterey Bay Aquarium with my Gallardo Cousins to relive another one of my favorite parts of childhood

48. Learn how to surf

49. Visit the Candelbera Redwoods

50. Catch a fish

51. Have a map wall

52. Plant a tree

53. Have a veggie garden

54. Summit a Mountain

55. Volunteer in my child's class

56. Set foot on each continent

57. See Chachi Gonzales dance live

58. Skinny dip in the waters of Greece

59. Meet Ryan Gosling

60. Return a lost pet

61. Visit the Taj Mahal

62. Go into space

63. Milk a cow

64. Wake up to a breakfast in bed made by my children

65. Hold a snake

66. Pick out a Christmas tree with the one I love

67. Go to the Festival of Lights in Thailand!

68. Have my Dad walk me down the aisle

69. Lay down in a field of daisies

70. Ride a subway

71. Have the water of the Nile River run through my fingers

72. Explore the Great Barrier Reef underwater

73. Eat a cheese steak in Philly

74. Visit the Mother Land

75. Go to school and live in Berkeley

76. Have a beautiful home with a beautiful family in the Santa Cruz mountains

77. New Zeland it up

78. Dance like Shakira

79. Shower under a waterfall

80. Row a boat

81. Build an igloo

82. Visit Tibet

83. Play dress up and have tea parties with my daughter(s)

84. Witness and/or play all of the following: Chess Boxing, Octopush, Beach Flags, Road Bowling

85. Be proposed to with a ring pop

86. Go Skydiving

87. Go Scuba Diving

88. Find a beautiful place and get lost

89. See the Vatican

90. See the Northern Lights

91. Work for Disney

92. Open a bakery

93. Go to a TEDtalk convention

94. Speak at a TEDtalk convention

95. Go to an airport and have no destination in mind

96. Build a tree house with my husband and kids

97. Have my husband make our family dining room table

98. Eat pizza and pasta in Italy

99. Make funny faces and do funny things in front of a Buckingham Palace Guard

100. Attend a Masquerade

101. Sew a dress for myself

102. Meet J.K. Rowling

103. Watch the Ball drop in Times Square

104. Have a job that requires me to wear scrubs

105. Snowboard/Ski Blogged

106. Visit the Pixar Studio

107. See a Meteor Shower Did this with my boyfriend, his brother, and his brothers girlfriend...we had a blast!

108. Stand on the line of the equator

109. Spin a record

110. Visit Lucille Ball's grave

111. Have a library in my home

112. Put together a charity function

113. Donate to a Charity

114. Walk for Cancer

115. Protest!

116. See Mary Jane legalized in the big CA

117. Take a vow of silence for a day

118. Get CPR certified!  Got this done when I started working!

119. Kiss in the rain, soaking wet

120. Get into a taxi and yell "Follow that car!"

121. Sing my baby to sleep

122. Tomb Raid

123. Get a matching tattoo with my sister

124. Have the sand of an Australian beach beneath my feet

125. Learn The Krebs Cycle by heart

126. Have a happy life. See beautiful places, do crazy things, eat yummy food, have fun, be in a blissful marriage and fall in love with the children I have yet to meet...even if I never finish this list. :)

Totally Epic/ Documentation #28

These past two days have been totally insane...my life in general has been totally insane! But I love it! For a slight little recap of the back half of last year...

1.) Got an awesome job working with some great inspiration that feeds my passion. Epic.
2.) Hurley came back home to live with me after Thanksgiving! I love that little booger...more Epic-ness.
3.) Have cut out all the people who did nothing but take years off my life with their drama and their stress! I'm a people pleaser, so for me, this was epic indeed.
4.) Even better though...met some amazing people who have only made my life more beautiful by being in it! I love the people I work with and for. I'm so blessed and thankful...also more epic-ness.
5.) Moved in with the love of my life...this has been the most epic thing thus far.

Speaking of living with the love of my life, it is amazing. A lot of people told me (err...us) that there would be a lot of "growing pains" during this process and that we would really find out what ticks us off! And while I have to admit that there were definitely a few days in the beginning where I thought, "What am I doing? I am so NOT ready for this!" for the most part though, I've loved every minute of it! Even the not so great parts, my love proves to be the best man a woman could have. Even during the bad times, his number one concern is ALWAYS how I'm feeling...and then we address what made me so upset/angry/negative. Isn't that great? Isn't that totally epic? He may not always know what got me to a not so happy place, but he's always willing to talk it out. I love him!

Yeah, my love didn't know how to clean a bathroom properly at first, but that could also be because I'm OCD. He leaves lights on...well he learned that lesson REAL quick when the bill came in. He likes the dishes on the counter, I like them in the sink...so we compromised (which, by the way, isn't as bad as some people make it out to be!). We've learned so much about each other and our relationship and we've only fallen even more in love (well, I have) so I'm not sure if it counts as growing "pains". It feels a lot more like growing "happys" because I'm smiling and laughing and having a great time! I keep wanting to say, "Well it's just the honey moon phase," but I really don't think it is. I guess time will tell!

The weirdest thing about moving in with my love though is that...I think I might be obsessed with him. It sounds bad when I say it that way, I know, I know! I shouldn't have said it that way, but seriously, I wait for him when he works late into the night, and I can't sleep when he leaves early in the morning. I don't feel like cooking ANYTHING if he isn't home for dinner. I don't even sit at the dining room table if I'm all alone. And it's not like I'm sitting in a white room staring at a wall waiting for him to come back (although, I guess it seems that way...) but I just don't like to do those "we" things unless we are doing them. After a rough day, I can't wait till he walks through the door. After a FABULOUS day I can't wait till he walks through the door. He takes care of me, and I love to take care of him. I would rather go two days without bread than to go grocery shopping without him. It's the strangest thing! I mean, I would obviously go get bread...by myself...if it were that important but since we have moved in together, nothing seems to ever be that important.I want to say I'm a nut, and I most likely am diagnosed with something out of this world...but I can't help it. I feel so overwhelmed with love and happiness all the time that I can't bare to be apart from the person who I most want to share all of it with (and who is the main reason for so much of it!) and it sounds so awful, like I'm so dependent...but its so TOTALLY EPIC to me!

Alright, so my little rant about how much I love my boyfriend is over...and I'll stop making everyone (including myself) puke with all my mushy gushy love stuff...

Until my next urge to write...

xoxox
M.

"When it is right, 

when it is good, 

and when it is true, 

we is so much better than I. 

If you ever need proof, 

just look at us."

That Thing "The Office" Does To Me

So, recently I have begun to re-watch The Office, also known as my ultimate go to feel good t.v. show. I can't help but feel like my life is ridiculously awesome (even if it isn't) after watching it. It's really my kind of humor, it's very nostalgic for me, and did I mention that it is my ultimate go to feel good t.v. show? Well, it is, and that should be reason enough to why there is a whole blog dedicated to it's epicness as a whole, and the epicness it has had in my life.

Question: How is it nostalgic?

Great question, and it is paired with a complex yet totally amazing (for me) answer. Not only do I love The Office because it has kept me from becoming depressed in the past, but because Jim and Pam remind me so much of a happier time for me and a former lover. We had pretty much the same story line, sans me being engaged to some loser...I was just dating a not-as-much- of-a-loser-as-Roy type of guy. As a matter of fact, that guy was awesome, but not for me. Anyways, back to why Jim and Pam bring warmth and butterflies to my insides...

That whole totally cute flirting thing, that whole "everyone else knows besides you two", that whole "shes with another guy who doesn't treat her well", that whole "THESE TWO SHOULD TOTALLY BE TOGETHER FOREVER" deal...yeah, totally me and former lover. As a matter of fact, we use to giggle and have inside jokes ABOUT The Office because it was totally our favorite show...foreshadowing in like, real time. And it was our favorite show, super cute (and in retrospect...FALSE: we both watched it with a number of other people and had inside jokes about the show with a number of other people...but it was us and in my defense, it seemed pretty monumental at the time).

When I first started re-watching it and I saw the scenes between the pure, sickening, oh-so-gosh-darn-right love between Jim and Pam I got this little knot in my stomach. I wasn't too sure what it was at the time, was I stressed? Was I anxious? Did I have a bad case of the runs coming on? Was it a mistake to drink the one day expired milk? So many possibilities, I decided to keep watching my ultimate go to feel good t.v. show for further investigation...

That's when I realized, all those cute lovey dovey scenes between comedy's favorite couple reminded me so much of me and said past lover! AND we used to watch it together! I mean, come on, it was totally our show (...maybe...). But why was it having this weird explosion of emotion on my soul now? I have been with someone new (happily and very much so in love) for over a year and a half, AND I definitely do NOT prefer my ex-person.

After some thinking in the shower (actually, I haven't showered today...it's been one of those days...so let's change that to thinking...just plain thinking) turns out that me not preferring my past lover is the exact reason why I love watching Jim and Pam. It makes me remember the relationship when it was good, healthy, and founded in love. That isn't usually how I think of my past lover these days, quite frankly, it's very hard to. But when I see the way Pam looks at Jim and the way Jim looks at Pam, I remember what it was like to look at someone like that...

Don't get me wrong, my current love story is freakishly epic, and sweet,  and oh-so-gosh-darn-right in it's own way, but it is different. We didn't have a flirting stage, we didn't have to go through "everyone else knows but you two" stage, and we DEFINITELY didn't have to deal with me having a fiancee or boyfriend stage! We aren't Jim and Pam, and that's ok...because that isn't what I enjoy about Jim and Pam. I don't envy their beginning. I like what they remind me of...

When things ended with my ex-person, I went to a really ugly place, and I came out on the other end with as much love and affection as I could muster up for the person who led me down that path. A much needed lesson in life no doubt, but that doesn't mean it was easy, and it definitely didn't make me all forgiving! Only the truly divine can do that!  (or just people more divine than me...) But watching Jim and Pam and remembering the time in my life where was so blissfully flirting my days away with my best friend, it makes me feel like I can forgive a little more, let go a little more, and heal another layer just a little bit. Probably a hurt I didn't even know I had...

So the moral of the story is, Jim and Pam are ridiculously adorable, they represent a beautiful time in my life, and are probably the greatest love story ever told, so what's not to love about them? (Move aside, Romeo and Juliet!) They also happen to be apart of my ultimate go to feel good t.v. show...so my opinion of them is 100% biased. Especially since Jim Halpert is the perfect man...that doesn't help you trust my opinion, does it?

Until next time...
xoxox
M.

Note: Currently making a mental note to someday write about how awesome my current love story is, it's only fair, and I think I might actually want to,(Move over, Jim and Pam)!

I bought the boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. I knew we'd need a backup plan. The boat was actually plan C. The church was plan B. And plan A was marring her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her. - Jim Halpert

if you do click on the link, forward to 50 seconds.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words (Part 3)

It's been a while since I've had the chance to write about a wonderful memory I captured in a photo...and today was "just one of those days"...so I think it would be good for my soul to remember happier times.

So I spent some time in Berkeley in my younger days...

And it is an experience I can never replace, and one that will hold a very special place in my heart forever. I think I love it so much because it was the first time I had found myself belonging...anywhere. Like, truly just being who I was and being around people who were ok with that! 

I love the environment it provided me with. My peers were talking about big things, ideas, and passions...not about other people, which at the time was refreshing to me. Merced is still working on creating that environment! And I have faith that it will! 

I love the people I met there, they all touched my life in a way that can never be forgotten or undone. When you come across people who make you laugh and smile and enjoy life, you don't let them pass into the past! I think of them all often and with much love! They are all going to give back to the world in the most beautiful ways...I know this because I can speak from personal experience that they already have! I feel lucky to have crossed paths with them, some of whom I still remain friends with to this day, and whenever I see this picture it puts a big smile on my face!

p.s. I love Simmeran, and I love his OBVIOUS affection for me. :-p He has also been an excellent source when I need a vanity fill.

I met Connor (pictured above) in Chem 1, when we were lab partners. Paired with the lovely Ruby and....Aaron (haha) we were definitely the sane, calm, collected couple of the table. And much to my surprise, I had the pleasure of taking my Intro to Psych course with all three of them again! It was a sign, we were all meant to be together for a little while longer!

Anyways, long story short, leaving Psych early wasn't really an issue most nights. Lecture was pretty long and about halfway through the prof usually gave us an little break and half the class would leave. Well...this is the story of the moment I fell in love with Connor...(in the most platonic way possible!)

One night, lecture revolved around pregnancy and the bond between mother and child after birth. During this time, this was something that hit very close to home for me and for those of you who know my story, you know why. I remained fairly composed for most of the lecture when it talked about pregnancy, because lets face it...it's really over glamorized (as this blog CLEARLY lays out...). But what we would be covering after the break was what really concerned me. This, of course, was the night Ruby and Aaron decided to leave early. Trying my best not to go into panic, I asked Connor to stay with me...which I am sure to any guy sounds like a painful form of torture. Seriously? Spending the next hour listening to some dude talk about the bond between mother and child? I wouldn't want to stay...but I did because I was interested and, well, a goody two-shoes. Naturally, Connor REALLY wanted to go. In a last ditch effort, I told him I needed a friend, not even fully WHY I needed a friend...and without question, or doubt, he sat right back down and stayed. 

Now, I know a lot of good men in my life, but Connor definitely gives them all a run for their money. I remember the moment when I looked at him, broken inside, and whether he stayed out of guilt, friendship, or to be nice...it left its mark on my heart. It's true that a moment of kindness will last a lifetime. I feel blessed to have Connor be a dear friend of mine now (one who sends me swedish fish, but that isn't the only reason I have deep affection for him...I think...) and can only imagine what other goodness he will spread back into the world. If he was able to give me something so small, and have it speak volumes in my life...I can only imagine what he will do with the rest of his time on Earth.

Whew! I am feeling a lot better! I lot more at peace and a lot more humbled by remembering the lovely people I have been blessed to know! 

xoxo

M.